Category: Personal

lifestyle, Personal

Hope

by SineadLeave a Comment on Hope
Hope

We experienced (and are continuing to experience) a traumatic event this week, something I wish with all my heart did not happen, something that none of us could predict.

You never think it’s going to happen to you. That bad things happen to other people, that you are immune from the horrors of the world and then when something heartbreaking strikes you, it’s completely overwhelming. You feel as though you have been knocked off your feet, that the world has suddenly become this cruel, unforgiving and unfair place. That all the things you tell yourself to comfort yourself do not seep into your bones like they used to, that you are immune to the good things.

I know I feel numb. And completely in denial, hoping tomorrow I’ll wake up and it would have been just a horrible complicated dream. Those few people I told, I asked them to act as if nothing had changed. I wanted as much normality as possible but even that couldn’t shoot down the reality that our lives have changed.

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inspiration, lifestyle, Personal

5 Ways to kind of be a Better Person

by SineadLeave a Comment on 5 Ways to kind of be a Better Person
5 Ways to kind of be a Better Person

We all want to be a better person. Unless you think you are the *best* person and if so, you probably need to work on your humility.

I often find myself wishing I was better but better at what, I don’t know. Sometimes I get frustrated that even when I’m trying my absolute best, I’m not improving and nothing is changing, whether it’s with work, friendships, family relationships or things I do day to day. I have an image in my head as to what I want and immediately lament that I’m too dumb/stupid/lazy/incompetent to do it. And then I wind up with low confidence which feeds the circle of “I want to be better” and we start all over again.

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inspiration, lifestyle, Personal

Buddy Holly

by SineadLeave a Comment on Buddy Holly
Buddy Holly

When I told my American History Professor that I wanted to write my Michaelmas term paper on Buddy Holly, he looked at me funny. Not in a “who is that” kind of way but more in a “sounds pretty specific but ok” way. I wrote my paper on race relations and Buddy Holly’s music – spoiler alert: not a whole lot to write about there – but it was a paper I wrote more for myself than anyone else.

If you have read this blog long enough, you’ll know about my struggles with anxiety. In fact, I seem to be starting all my blog posts like that now. But this one is a little different.

When I was younger, Buddy Holly never meant more than a dorky kid with black rimmed glasses that tried his hand at rock and roll. I didn’t know any of his songs or his impact or his untimely death. I didn’t know he inspired Elvis or The Beatles or Bruce Springsteen or that he broke the foundations to what is now rock and roll. He just wasn’t someone I was bothered about.

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inspiration, lifestyle, Personal

Everything I’ve Learned

by SineadLeave a Comment on Everything I’ve Learned
Everything I’ve Learned

Do you want an emotional and soppy post? No?

Tough, you’re getting it anyway.

I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for the people around me, the people who have shaped me since I was a child, the ones who have been constant and the ones who drift in and out. And it’s especially true for periods of transitions where you’re a little in the dark. In the last 18 months, I moved out of home, I started a new job, I went back to college, I sought treatment for my anxiety and I took a two week travelling trip to the US on my own. This is more than I could probably have imagined for my 24 year old self when I was in college.

But transitions like these are hard.

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inspiration, lifestyle, Personal

2009 v 2019

by Sinead4 Comments on 2009 v 2019
2009 v 2019

I see everyone posting their 10 year challenge pictures.

Ten years ago my life was widely different to what it is now. Sure, everyone’s is – be a bit weird if it wasn’t, right?  But ten years ago, I was preparing for my Junior Cert which  was a catalyst for some of the major issues I faced in my late teenage years and early 20s.

Up until 2016, I categorised my life before and after 2009. My life was calm, smooth and pleasant before 2009 and after, it became a chaotic, anxious mess. Because 2009 was the year that I first experienced Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I’ve written about my OCD before. Numerous amounts of times. In fact, I’m pretty sure you’re all sick of hearing about it because God knows I am. I can’t say I was an anxious child growing up – I don’t really remember – but if you had said I’d an underlying mental health issue, I don’t think I’d have believed you.

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lifestyle, Personal

Winter Reading

by SineadLeave a Comment on Winter Reading
Winter Reading

Ok the title of this post is a lie.

I didn’t finish one book between October and December.

Not one.

Compare that to my incredible one-book-every-four-days feat in April and you’d think I maybe I had forgotten how to read.

Truth is, life gets busy. And in order to do the things you want to do, you really have to make time for it.

You also need to acknowledge that life is too short for a book you can’t get into.

But I have managed to start again this month and read two books I think are worth reviewing – I’m cheating with one of them – it’s a short story. I’ve also written a bit about the two books I struggled with last year and maybe someone could shed some light on how I could possibly get through them.

 

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Mr Salary – Sally Rooney

My best friend knows I am a huge HUGE Sally Rooney fan and bought this short story of hers for me for Christmas. It’s thirty pages of tension, growing pains, missed opportunities and bereavement. I adored every last word of it. Perfect if you want a half an hour read.

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lifestyle, Personal

Respite

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Respite

I’d be lying if I said Christmas was my favourite time of year. Give me Autumn, late summer or Spring over Christmas any day because honestly, find this time of year to be the single most lonely and stressful time.

The strive for perfection I gave up on long ago but the idleness, the lack of routine and the copious amount of food, which I admit used to be a blessing just a couple of years ago, has become a source of stress and anxiety. That mixed with the weather, my non-existent sleeping pattern and the lack of socialisation (as so many of my friends have left Dublin for their homes all around the world) gives way to a path of crankiness, unfounded doubt and worry.

But today, I did something about it.

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lifestyle, Personal

Flaw

by Sinead1 Comment on Flaw
Flaw

This is a post that I’ve been thinking about for quite a while now and it stems from a long-growing issue that has been knocking around my brain for over two years. I’m going to say now that it deals with some pretty heavy stuff – weight, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-esteem, etc so if you think that this could be something that could cause you harm, don’t proceed. Your health is more important than this.

This is also a difficult one to write because I really want to broach it with extreme sensitivity. The last thing I want is to offend or come across like an ungrateful bitch because trust me, if there was a simple quick fix to this, you know I’d take it in a heartbeat. And if this does offend you, upset you or make you dislike me more than you might already do, I am sorry. It was not my intention and I hope I can change that perception in the future for you.

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lifestyle, Personal

Summer Reads

by Sinead2 Comments on Summer Reads
Summer Reads

I’ve almost reached my goal of reading 20 books since April. I slowed down a little during the summer – particularly when I was on holidays but I’ve picked up the pace lately with some of these.

PS, I get most of my books from Bookdepository.com where books are cheaper and delivery is free! – (but nothing beats a good browse in a bookshop on a Saturday morning)

 

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Normal People – Sally Rooney

If you’ve read my other post on what I’ve read, you’ll see I loved Conversations with Friends, Sally’s debut novel from 2017. I was hoping for the same nostalgia in Normal People and boy, I sure got it. This book is a huge improvement on an already very good debut. The writing flows like a stream of consciousness, the characters are real and recognisable, the situations familiar. Sally again brilliantly gives the mundane college life a hint of romanticism that makes me long for the life and love I had back in Trinity College. If that’s not enough to pull you in, it also made the Man Booker Longlist for 2018.

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