OCD, Nine Years On.

OCD, Nine Years On.

This year will be nine years since I started experiencing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (and six since I started doing something about it).

I think a lot of people who knew me when I started college are aware of this but I’m choosing to write about it now, nearly a decade on from the first instance of it (during my Junior Cert!), and six since I sought help, as I have a much better perspective of my experience than before.

There are two days in my life that could categorically be dubbed ‘the worst days of my life’.

The first one was when I was 18 on a family holiday in France and the other when I was on a trip to Achill Island in 2013.

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The Wallace Collection

There’s so much I could say about The Wallace Collection. In fact, I could dedicate an entire blog to it. No trip to London is really complete without a visit so I made it my first port of call when I was there at New Year’s.

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The Collection is home to some of the most gorgeous and decadent pieces of artwork in the world. Everything in this building was made to stand out.

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Inside The Ritz

Inside The Ritz

I promised myself I would start 2018 as I meant to go on and if that meant Afternoon Tea at the Ritz, then so be it. (Spoiler, nothing has really come close to it in the two weeks since).

The Ritz is an institution of tea, brioche sandwiches and homemade cakes, its only competitor being the likes of Claridge’s. If you do plan to go, I would recommend booking it, and booking it early as, although they have four sittings a day, it is extremely popular.

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We arrived a little early due to the Mayor’s New Year’s Parade and were seated in the lounge which allowed me some time to take some sneaky photos. Photography is allowed but you’re asked to take your shots discreetly.

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2018

2018

What I’m bringing in to 2018

  1. A fully comprehensible planner for both work and personal life that I won’t invariably give up on sometime between January 20th and February 3rd.
  2. A whole lot more water even if it comes in the form of coffee or tea or Volvic with Robinson’s shots squeezed in or stress tears.
  3. Breathing through my stress and not giving a shit what the people who are walking on your heels are thinking. Because that’s stress you definitely do not need.
  4. Remembering that bringing other people’s problems back to my own experiences or issues is not always helpful and quite often just plain patronising.
  5. Reaching out instead of being insular but to only the people who bring joy into my life and don’t say things like “I Miss You by Blink 182 isn’t even a good song”.
  6. Reminding myself and others that we are not burdens, no matter how much you think you may be. You are not an accident or an annoyance. You are a human being.
  7. Dropping the constant need for reassurance or approval on what I consider “big” decisions. There are people who can sort out their gym membership without their mother’s opinion, you know.
  8. Less Social Media and oversharing, more creative media and active caring.
  9. Listening more, speaking less, understanding better (or at least trying)
  10. Biting my tongue, swallowing my pride and admitting when I’m wrong instead of the stress of making up a half-assed excuse.
  11. No longer religiously and obsessively checking who religiously and obsessively checks my social media.
  12. Buying less things. A lot less things. We have far too much stuff that it’s almost suffocating.
  13. Not waiting for anyone else to join me on doing the things I want. You could wait a lifetime and not get anything done.
  14. No more comparing myself or anyone to anyone else. What one person things is fantastic, another definitely thinks is trash.
  15. Living the idea that there’s only one way to become the person you want to be and that’s just to BE.
  16. Knowing that writing cliched and soppy posts may be one way to get people to roll eyes at you but this is your platform and if it helps just one, it’s worth it.

 

 

 

Here’s To

Here’s To

A brief one as I stand in line for 2018

Here’s to the one who said it was going to be fine, when I was sure it wasn’t.

To the one who wanted a catch up but didn’t let me say a thing.

To the one whose actions contradict their words

To the one who didn’t ask questions and just sent support

To the one who never makes me feel welcome

To the one who thought I had no feelings of my own to hurt.

To the ones I hurt more than I knew.

To the one I wish I ended things better with

To the friends I disappointed by my own lack of courage or back bone

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6 Lessons I’ve Learned From My First Office Job

6 Lessons I’ve Learned From My First Office Job

Hello New Graduates

Welcome to the Real World of taxes, graduate programmes, conferences, long client phone calls, and insurance. It’s not a pretty one. In fact, it often gets really, really ugly. Gone are the days where having four classes in a day was a justifiable complaint, when you could skip a lecture every now and then, where you spent all day and all night labouring over an essay like you were giving birth. Now you’re into what they have been complaining about for decades – the dreaded 9-5.

There are many things you won’t miss. The exams, the study, the essays, the meetings with lecturers or speaking out at seminars but the stress and emotions associated with them, they now come in different forms. You will still stress about writing papers, submitting reviews, passing interview questions or questions from your superiors. Deadlines still exist, as do hangovers, correct email etiquette matters now more than ever but it’s not all bad – in fact, you begin to relish evenings, weekends and bank holidays where you don’t have to come home to more work.

Sure, work life can be stressful but at least you’re spared of the constant fear of how your performance will impact your grade nine months down the road.

I’m out of college 18 months now and I’m in my first office job just over four months – I’ve had stints in shops and internships in the meantime – and I think I’ve learned more from being a so-called “professional” than a student. It’s as if college life prepared you for the basics but nothing can prepare you for everything that it contains.

I’ve prepared six lessons I’ve learned from the last few months of full time office work – including my internship – that I would have loved to have known when I graduated. Remember that starting a full time job is the first step on a very long ladder. You can’t see where it ends but you know that taking that step will bring you closer to whatever it is.

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Who We Are

Who We Are

I base a lot of my self worth on the opinions of others. And then some.

I base a lot of my self worth on the opinions of others and in long drawn-out comparisons that leave me feeling stale. And every time, it ends with “why not me”.

It’s something that’s been there for a lot of my life. My school was competitive, elitist – and whilst it taught me some incredibly important moral values, it didn’t see us all as equal. Some were just more equal than others. Ten year old me wanted to be good at sports but I couldn’t because I didn’t take extra classes outside of school, I wanted to wear the bulky Tiffany necklaces and own a Mini Cooper, things that divided the social standing, gave you a sense of “identity”, and initiated you in the unspoken secret society of kids who I believed to be undeniably happy, the only problems in their lives being whether or not they wanted to curl their hair in the morning.

It wasn’t jealousy so much as it was thinking, I wasn’t good enough or happy until I had these things.

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