Is Everyone Having More Fun Than Me?

Is Everyone Having More Fun Than Me?

Sorry, Mindy Kaling. You’re not the only one who can come up with witty lines about feeling out of the loop.

Scroll through any social media platform nowadays, particularly Instagram, and you will be inundated with photos of people looking like they’re having more fun than you.

I’m talking about the selfies in Machu Picchu, the photos of skyline of New York at sunset right down to the perfect, clean desk and laptop set ups.

These are things that flood our timelines constantly, and can increase during the summer. It looks like everyone is interning in New York, holidaying in Malaysia, and hitting up Malibu without you.

And let’s face it, if you scroll a lot like I do, it can kinda make you feel as though you’re wasting your summer.

But this is the problem with social media. We only send out the best version of us possible. We all do it. I’m guilty of it. Even my own parents are guilty of it.

How many times do we untag ourselves from photos or filter the fuck out of our instagram? Did you stay in bed all day with the.worst.hangover.imaginable? Post a photo of your holiday two years ago in Marbella and #tbt it. No one will know.

We, as social humans, feed each other’s need to strive to have the “perfect life”.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t do that, we’re allowed post up whatever we want. I don’t want people to not have nice things but sending out these signals can be damaging.

We begin to compare lives. How do they have the money to go to New York every six months? How did they get so fit? Or the dreaded: are they hanging out without me?

It’s difficult to drive home the thought that our online selves do not necessarily reflect our real selves. On social media, we only see the surface of what a person’s life is. And the surface are just that, the surface. There’s a whole barrage of life underneath that we don’t see.

Yeah, maybe your friend is in New York but maybe she’s struggling to make rent or is working overtime. Your friends put up a selfie of them together but maybe it’s because you’re not the fucking centre of the attention all the time and friends can hang out without you and it means nothing. Alternatively they may have run into each other and decided to catch up, which is more likely.

I post nice photos and the odd selfie but in reality, I’m unemployed, burn through money faster than a match in a haystack, and am on-and-off clinically depressed. But you don’t see that on my instagram, do you?

With the over-saturation of bloggers and #instagrambloggers online nowadays, we feel as though our lives have to reach a certain standard before we can be happy. Before we can feel fulfilled. Before we can live. Which is absolutely bullshit. You are living right now. What you do, not others’ validation of it, makes you feel fulfilled. Happiness, as I said in my last post, is a choice, not something that magically rains from the sky when everything is deemed ‘perfect’. Take inspiration from other’s lives but don’t assume they have it all figured out either.

So next time you find yourself wistfully scrolling online and feeling jealous, just remember: just like you, the people you see online are humans with their own problems, emotions, issues. They could suffering from undiagnosed mental health issues, or are suffering a bereavement, or are struggling to make ends meet. No one’s life is free from hardship and lack of hardship doesn’t equal a perfect life.

Life is to be lived not to be perfected.

 

 

 

 

7 Reasons Why You’re Not Happy

7 Reasons Why You’re Not Happy

We all fall victim to this. We think we can only be happy if X happens or if Y comes through, that there’s a special formula for happiness to suddenly fall from the sky when the stars align.

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

In actual fact, happiness is a state of being, not a condition or a result of anything. It’s a choice we make every single moment. We often let other things override our decision to be happy, or we over-complicated it so much that it’s impossible to bring it back to basics and understand what happiness really is.

So, in acknowledgement of the fact that I’ve been stuck in a little rut lately with my happiness, here are seven reasons why you may just feel a little less-happy than usual.

You’re stuck

You’re in a rut of monotony. Routine is nice but the constant replay of the same things over and over again can lead to boredom. We all experience this in some form but we often rely on other things to get us out of it.

Allow your intuition to guide you instead of overthinking. Listen to your gut and go with your heart – as soppy as that sounds – rather than doing what you “should” do. Even if it fails, you’ll have broken that monotonous chain and hopefully learned something of value along the way.

You’re letting others decide for you

This is likely for anyone who falls into the trap of people-pleasing. You’re letting what others say and do dictate what you say and do, and that’s a recipe for disaster. When you begin to live for other people and not for yourself, your happiness will dwindle and you’ll be left fulfilling other people’s needs but not your own.

Start small and do something for yourself perhaps once a week, and increase it as you go on. Do things that satisfy you and only you, practice regular self-care and know that you are the most important person in your world.

You’re letting external factors affect your mood

Don’t lie, we’ve all been there. We let other’s actions dictate our mood such as, not getting a text back, getting rejection, dropping the ball at work. These are all external factors that can affect how we feel.

You need to focus on you. You do the best you can and be proud of it. Don’t let anyone else’s action or lack of action come in the way of that.

You’re filling the emptiness instead of addressing it

You’re using alcohol, drugs, smoking, comfort eating or even binge-watching to drag yourself away from the real problem. It’s ok to have an escape from reality now again but relying on them to survive can prove detrimental to yourself and everyone else around you.

Choose escapes that are more productive to your health such as exercise, journaling, meditating, etc. They will not only give your brain a break but will also give you the feeling of accomplishment at the end. Cut down on vices you use to simply ‘numb the emptiness’. Going out for a few drinks or serial-watching Netflix can still be good forms of escape but do them in moderation.

You’re focusing on what you don’t have

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you focus on what you don’t have, you’re going to find an abundance of it. So, if you tell yourself you’re worthless or ‘not good enough’, you’re only going to find more and more examples of it ie, being passed over for something at work or being rejected.

You need to change your thinking in order to change your world. If you think good things, good things will come to you. If you tell yourself you are worthy, you will feel worthy, and it will show in your interactions with people and the world.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely – Roald Dahl

You’re not engaged in expressing gratitude

Ok so, you may be having a crappy day – and this isn’t a practice to take away from how crappy it is – but remembering what you are grateful for is a ground for happiness to blossom. If you focus your attention on what you usually take for granted, for the people you have in your life, or even simply for the fact you have a bed to sleep in at night, you will become more intune with happiness as a state of mind rather than a material goal

You believe that you need X, Y, and Z in order to be happy

So having nice things is nice. Everybody agrees with that. You might be de-fucking-lighted that you got that really nice car or bagged that really cool job or that that guy from accounting asked you out. And yes, they can make you happy but happiness is not on condition of these things. There are people out there who don’t have these things and are just as happy. It doesn’t come via a magic formula, happiness doesn’t wait for summer to come around or for Christmas to be over.

Happiness is a state of being, a living-in-the-present-moment vibe, an acknowledgement that it is a choice, a simple “I choose to choose happier thoughts/actions”. It’s the searching for the good in the bad, choosing to see the bright side. It’s not something that will magically fall onto you when everything aligns into place. It’s something you make for yourself.

Try it. I promise you, you will feel happier.