Another Change

I’ve changed job again.

It was unintentional.

I hadn’t sought out this job, it sought me out. Which is amazing. But I’m handing in my third job notice in as many months.

And the crisis of self has again come into play.

The unsettling feeling of changing jobs and having to “start again” in a new place doesn’t really go away. This is my fourth job, fifth restart, in seven months. I quit my current job scooping ice cream to take this internship, turned another internship down, and went to Arnotts twice after our seasonal concession was closed after Christmas and re-opened for Valentine’s.

Starting new jobs is not new to me. I’m a pro at interviews now. And there is a lot of experience to be learned from this.

But I’m nervous.

Like, very, very nervous. This isn’t a regular retail job where I already know I’ll be selling a product. This is an unpredictable internship. No two hours are the same, let alone two days. I’ll be relying on myself, not the product, to succeed. It’s all from me. Instead of selling ice cream, I’m selling my creativity.

My main fear is that I won’t be good enough. I sometimes think that my new boss will call me, say she made a mistake and hired the wrong person. A few times I fully expected myself to wake up from a dream. Not only because this opportunity is one in a lifetime (because it is) but more because it happened so suddenly.

I got a call Monday night, interviewed Tuesday, got the job and handed in my notice Tuesday night. That’s a pretty fast turnover. I didn’t have a moment to consider the possibilities of getting this job until after I had accepted it. As a result, I’m scared, anxious, excited, unsure, and confused all at once.

It kind of threw a weird spanner in the works of my short-term and long-term plans. I was happy for it to come up, and I’m more than delighted to accept, but it meant that I had to reschedule and rearrange some plans, throwing a lot of things into the realm of uncertainty. But I’m learning to be okay with that.

I’m looking forward to this new adventure, to be working in an industry I want to work in and actually learning from the best. I’m excited. I hope it lasts.

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